Toxicity of narcissistic personality traits heighten Covid blues

Coping with a toxic relationship -- that is, with a person with narcissistic personality traits who makes their partner feel emotionally stifled, lost, hopeless, stuck and damaged -- has not been the easiest in the best of times. It becomes even worse in Covid times as quarantined quarters can be too close for comfort, says author, life coach and pranic healer Kalpana Nair who has suggested a series of tools in a new book to help those affected cope better and even turn the tables around.

"Before Covid-19, when there was the luxury of space and privacy in the lives of narcissists; they worked their partners the way they wanted. Carried on affairs, love-bombed other unsuspecting victims, gaslighted those they lived with and felt the self-importance that they so craved, any way they wanted," Kalpana said.

However, confined by Covid-19, narcissists may have found their mask dropped, their cover blown and life being difficult to manage when under constant observation and scrutiny by their partner or spouse.

"This would, in turn, increase their feelings of not being in control as well as aggravate the discomfort they feel within themselves. They subsequently inflict this anger on their partner in an emotionally or physically violent manner. Either way, if the partner of this abuse has to heal, the reasons for this behaviour have to be processed with a different set of rules and tools than other relationships," Nair explained.

Noting that these are high functioning people, in good positions and carry on this toxicity in the confines of their relationships. Any relationship with a narcissist is unmistakably malignant and causes deep psychological pain. A lack of awareness of this specific variety of toxicity may lead many unsuspecting people to confuse it with garden-variety personality traits of selfishness, thoughtlessness, casual self-centredness or the need for control.

The nature of this toxic relationship, Nair said, "is to confuse and control. The narcissistic partner causes intense psychological harm to their partner and this is the ultimate goal of the narcissist. They have been done unfairly by the world and they believe that the world owes them and the one that pays is their partner".

"The usual attempts to self-correct and do self-work do not yield results and this leaves the affected person trying everything and still not finding peace and it leading them down a weary path of brain fog, self-harm, self-doubt, low self-esteem, altered sense of self and crushing emotional wounds.

The path to healing from narcissistic abuse is slow and partners have to be guided at each step of this recovery process to see not just healing but triumph," Nair said. In this way, victims are able to see what they are 'Being' and this stack on the right side pushes them to be more of the things they have written about.

"It helps them in tuning back with themselves and strengthening their relationship with themselves so that they can protect their emotional space even though their physical space is limited and invaded by the narcissist. These exercises can be used for any toxic relationship and distressing thought or challenge faced by people during these tough times," Nair concluded.