The silent scars: Why hitting a child is never the answer

“I hit my child because I love them.” This is a phrase many parents tell themselves — not out of cruelty, but from a misguided belief that physical punishment teaches discipline. However, the reality is starkly different. While hitting might stop a child momentarily, the emotional and psychological wounds it leaves can last a lifetime.

Fear replaces trust

When a child is hit, it’s not just their body that hurts — their spirit does too. Rather than understanding what they did wrong, they learn to fear their parent. Over time, love and trust erode, replaced by silence and distance. Children may stop sharing their feelings, avoid eye contact, or retreat inward simply because they no longer feel emotionally safe.

Damage to self-esteem

A child who is repeatedly punished physically may internalize messages like “I’m not good enough” or “There’s something wrong with me.” These thoughts can grow into deep-seated insecurities, affecting their self-worth well into adulthood. Many adults struggling with low confidence can trace the roots back to their early experiences at home.

Violence becomes a learned behavior

Children absorb what they see. When they are hit, they learn that violence is a valid response to frustration or mistakes. This often manifests as aggressive behavior toward peers or siblings. It’s not rebellion — it’s mimicry.

Emotional disconnection

Children naturally seek love and closeness. But when those they love hurt them, they start to emotionally shut down. They may withdraw, act out, or say things like “I hate you,” not out of anger, but from confusion and pain they don’t know how to process.

The hidden mental health toll

Research consistently shows that children who experience physical punishment are at higher risk of anxiety, depression, academic struggles, and difficulties in forming healthy relationships. These wounds may not be visible, but they shape their inner world profoundly.

What’s the alternative?

Children don’t need punishment to grow — they need guidance. They don’t need fear — they need empathy. True discipline means setting boundaries with kindness, explaining calmly, and modelling respect. You don’t have to be a perfect parent — just a mindful one. Choosing connection over control today lays the foundation for a healthier, happier tomorrow.