SIBLING BONDS

This is an exemplary sister’s bond which has lasted nearly nine decades! The story of the relationship between Sita Sastry Viswanadham (88) and Kameswari Kunapuli (87) is a remarkable one---it has seen great mutual support, immense affection and the most touching concern all in a consistent way over the years. Of course, as with all siblings, the bond between these two has also seen occasional arguments and differences of opinion. However, love, forgiveness and the kinship of the same blood has overcome everything and trumped all disagreements.

This sibling bond is an inspiration to family, friends and even those who know them remotely. Sita and Kameswari have set an example for many with their great mutually supportive relationship. Their lives are an illustration of the all-importance of always staying close to family---in times of joy and distress.

Hyderabad-based sisters Sita and Kameswari live in sprawling bungalows right beside each other with only a compound-wall separating their homes. Their children and grandchildren too live with them. Both sisters are homemakers, who had very successful husbands. Also, the two sisters are accomplished artists in their own right. Sita is a much-admired artist adept in painting in multimedia and Tanjore paintings, sculpture, bonsai, ikebana and fabric-painting on sarees. She added to her repertoire of skills last year. “I have a great passion for art and want to learn as many art forms as possible. I learnt Kerala mural painting last year at 87!” she reveals! Her home looks like a veritable art gallery. “I actually turned the front rooms of my home into a platform or gallery for upcoming artistes for a few years,” she adds.

Younger sister Kameswari is a widely respected Carnatic musician and music-teacher. She has given scores of vocal performances individually and also as the leader of the well-known Sunadamala group which received the prestigious A-grade from All India Radio and also performed regularly on Doordarshan. This group also released three audio-records. Kameswari reveals: “For one, we received tutelage from Sangita Kalanidhi Sripada Pinakapani. For the Devi Keerthanas cassette were were taught by saint-composer Ogirala Veeraraghava Sarma.” She now regularly teaches many students across different strata of society, from the family members of film-superstars and political biggies as well as underprivileged girls. Kameswari adds: “I also conduct Thyagaraja Aradhana at my home. I have worked extensively all my life to promote awareness and appreciation of Carnatic music.”

Both Kameswari and Sita are known for their quiet charity to struggling artists and musicians.

They were born in Visakhapatnam, Andhra Pradesh to Evani Lakshmi Narasimham and Achyutamba. They had other siblings too, but these two were destined to stay closer and for life. Sita married an IRS officer while Kameswari wedded an IAS officer. “Both our spouses made a very good reputation and became known for their integrity and hard work,” they say.

adds: “My elder sister Sita and I were very close to each other and I felt lost when she got married at age 16. However, I got married after graduation. For this I owe her because Sita was the one who influenced my parents to admit me in a good degree-college saying: “I got married at 16, so I couldn’t study. Let Kameswari become a graduate’!”

Sita recalls: “When we were children, as the elder sister I was quite dominating! I even used to boss her around a lot even though we were only one year apart,” she adds with a twinkle in her eye. “However, I was also very protective of her and never allowed anyone to hurt her in any way.”

After marriage, some sisters drift apart. Not these two. They missed each other a lot. There were no mobile phones in those days and even land-phones were not used frequently. Yet, their affection found a way. As they say: “We would write letters to each other regularly. It helped that our husbands also liked each other and were in fact, distant relatives even before marriage. We two would meet at family functions and chat endlessly then. Then we had children and got busy bringing them up, However, we made trips to each other’s homes and encouraged our children to be friendly with one another. We taught them the importance of treating one’s own blood with affection and respect. Hence, they still are very close to each other.”

Kameswari reminisces: “When Sita left for the West Indies where her husband got a posting in the 1970s, I was happy but also sad as felt my sister was moving far away. I would make all her favourite pickles and send her to them by ship. She used to write back saying that the pickles were not only delicious but also helped cure some of her homesickness. I used to look forward to her visits to India for family functions.”

During the mid-1980s, they came to live next to each other. This was also sheer providence or “God’s will and his grace”, say Sita and Kameswari in one voice. These plots are assigned by lottery. By sheer chance and good luck both of them received plots next to each other. “We have lived since then as neighbours, best friends and sisters! Yes, like all sisters or brothers, we have had our differences of opinion just as we fought with each other as kids. However, we always forgive and forget and move on as this relationship is so valuable.”

Kameswari taught her sister Carnatic music and Sita in turn taught her how to make Tanjore paintings.

They continue: “We constantly tell the younger generation to value their parents and siblings and help each other out. Ever since becoming neighbours we have been making visits together to music-concerts, pilgrimages and family functions. We also help each other out when our respective domestic helpers, driver, gardener, etc., are unavailable. Our children also readily go and help with babysitting, cleaning or cooking at each other’s homes, when needed.”

Kameswari’s daughter Saraswathi Jayanthi chimes in: “The Evani sisters including their centenarian older sister are respected by family and friends for their multivariate talents and their strong bonding. We have so much to learn from them.”

Both have faced tough times including terrible crises, especially tragedies, diseases and surgeries, besides frivolous cases from outsiders.

Kameswari reveals: “I am emotionally and physically stronger so I tend to help Sita out. I have been beside her as she made countless trips in and out of hospital especially since her husband, my brother-in-law had passed away. And when I have to travel, I do so with the confidence and courage that my sister is right next-door, always looking after my house and any family member staying home.”

How do they do this: keeping this relationship going for nearly nine decades through happiness and adversities? What is their advice to the younger generation? Kameswari and Sita say: “A sibling is God’s gift, a treasure. Cherish it. After parents, it is our siblings who know us best. At some point, our parents will leave. After that, it is the siblings who have to be like parents to each other, sharing their pains and joys, and lending support and giving protection whenever needed. Blood is always thicker than water. For example, both of us know each other’s defects and weaknesses and we still love each other. There will be arguments and differences of opinion among siblings and we both have had many. But learn to sink your differences and don’t let arguments escalate. Constant quarrelling vitiates the atmosphere and harms the relationship so avoid that. Try to remember frequently the good things the sister/brother did for you and thank them for it whenever you get an opportunity. Gratitude counts for a lot. The older you grow, the more you will realise that family especially siblings are your biggest and most valuable support system. So, cultivate that precious relationship and keep that bond strong all your life.” Coming from sisters who practise what they preach, these are wise lessons indeed.