Karen Claire discusses art of communication in parenting

Arts-based therapy practitioner, ICF-certified parenting coach and career guide, Karen Claire has spoken on the TEDx platform on the art of communication in parenting. Her mission is to build empowered children by empowering parents through individual coaching and workshops and via social media. She spells out practical and effective parenting tools in ‘Alphabetical Parenting’. In an exclusive conversation, Karen speaks about her ideas. Let’s have a look into it.

When did you first realize you wanted to be a writer?

I always loved writing. As a child, I would pour my emotions onto paper by way of verse or notes to self or notes to others, or just venting. As a teacher, I would write notes to affirm my students. When I chose to pursue coaching and arts-based therapy, I would see the angst in the eyes of my clients and the relief in their whole body when they found resolution. Parents are more conscious today. At least they want to be. However, like anything else, it’s a learning process. Besides the process gets tougher when as a parent, I am carrying my own unresolved baggage from my childhood. I wanted to reach many more and bring the opportunity for awareness and tools for healing to so many more. Hence the book. It is my contribution to improve the world of children – one family at a time and, it is my legacy.

Where do you get your ideas and data?

Every word in my book is from real life. the need arose from observation of reality. The perspectives and examples I share are from my own life – as a child, a parent, a teacher, neighbor, and my experiences with those in my circles, especially my experiences as a therapist working with all genders and age groups.

The other source of inspiration is nature and the world around me. I truly believe that the more you observe in calm objectivity, you are able to learn so much about yourself. It almost functions as a GPS for your life.

What is your own learning from all your interactions with parents and children as an arts-based therapy practitioner and parenting coach?

Identity is precious. Everyone has a unique astitva or identity. As parents, we need to recognize this need in our child and empower them with skills to discover their own identity / astitva.

At some time, we also need to sync our individual astitva with that of others who important to us so that we grow and flourish. Only then, will we experience a sense of fulfillment that we’ve done justice to our role as a parent and as a human being.

To handhold those who need help, I’ve created astitvahealing.com. because in the world of today especially, children are losing sense of their astitva and are making unhealthy choices in an attempt to salvage it. We as parents, teachers and caregivers can definitely make a huge positive difference if we are open.

What makes ‘Alphabetical Parenting’ such a unique book?

‘Alphabetical Parenting’ has universal appeal - written for the masses. It has no complicated jargon. It is simple to read, understand, reflect and apply into your own life. Most of my readers love the fact that each chapter is brief and yet is so warm and filled with practical insight and effective strategy. There is a set of questions that allow one to gently reflect and creates an awareness about his/her own role as a caregiver. And, of course, the chapter titled - If the hat fits, has a special message to every parent who feels alone in their unique journey.

What was one of the most surprising things you learned in creating your book?

I’ve learned that simplicity is the new rocket science. Parents often looking out for complex ways and strategies and yet, the secret to parenting lies in some very simple basics.

For example, in one of my chapters I speak of the power of giving your child a silent hug. This is ever so powerful and has so much of positive consequence – The child feels accepted in that moment. The child finds a way to de-escalate the overwhelming emotion. The child feels what ‘home’ is meant to feel like. The child understands good touch and bad touch so much more… especially teenagers have an understanding of what feels pure and safe.

What might be the theme of your next book?

Well, as a coach, one of my best-selling workshops is ‘mom me-time’. So, many of the mothers who attend, share that they have little or no self-care routines. And if they do, they either feel guilty about it, or they are inconsistent. The fact is that they do not give themselves priority. Other family members and work always outrank their own needs. This attitude colours the way they raise their daughters who in turn carry on this same pattern even as grown women- no matter what they designation or role in the family or society.

This significantly influenced my theme for the next book – self-care for women titled: Alphabetical Re-charge.

How important are book reviews?

Well, the truth of the matter is that book reviews are rather important, given that these give you a marketing boost. These push up the ratings and get you visibility as an author. However, if you are not in that circle yet, do not be discouraged. As long as you get your sales, you know there is momentum and you are making a difference. There could be many who appreciate your book and find value but may not go back to amazon or google or wherever and post reviews.

What message you would like to share with your parent - readers here?

Believe in yourself and in your child. There may be many caregivers supporting you in your journey but ensure that you have the final say and that your child knows this. Bonds of respect, communication and trust begin here. These are the pillars of your relationship.

Just as you would expect change in your work space, expect changes with your child and prepare for them. Parenting is a process. Give yourself and your child space for error.

Do not compromise your relationship with your child while chasing the other elements of life like academics, career, etc.

Upgrade yourself as a parent. Do not feel bad to reach out for professional assistance. You don’t take it personally when you need to engage tutors for your child as studies get tougher or take a child to the doctor when home remedies do not work.

It’s the same principle. Always keep the faith.