Healing the inner child before parenting your own child

Many parents love their children deeply and want to give them the best life. But sometimes, even with good intentions, parenting becomes stressful. You may shout, feel guilty, overthink your child’s future, or react in ways that surprise even you.

Why does this happen?

One simple truth: Your inner child is still carrying old pain.

What is inner child?

The “inner child” is the part of you that remembers your childhood—your feelings, your fears, your needs, and your wounds. It’s the little version of you who once felt sad, scared, unheard, or unloved.

If you were scolded harshly, compared with others, made to feel “not good enough,” or asked to “adjust” all the time, those feelings don’t just disappear. They stay deep inside. As an adult, you may still carry those wounds silently.

How it affects parenting

Without realizing, we pass our unhealed pain onto our children. This is not done on purpose. It happens in small, hidden ways:

• You shout at your child because you were never allowed to express emotions.

• You expect your child to be perfect because you were scared of making mistakes.

• You feel hurt when your child says “no,” because you were never allowed to say it.

• You react not just to the present situation but also to your own childhood memories.

Why healing is important

Parenting is not just about giving food, clothes, and education. It’s about emotional connection. When you heal your own pain, you can respond to your child with love, patience, and clarity. You stop repeating the cycle. You stop expecting your child to fill your empty spaces. You start parenting from a space of peace, not pain.

Simple steps to heal your inner child

1. Notice your triggers: If a small thing makes you very angry or sad, pause and ask, “Is this about now? Or something from my past?”

2. Talk to your inner child: Close your eyes and imagine yourself as a little child. Say to them, “I see you. I hear you. You didn’t deserve that pain. I’m here for you now.”

3. Journal your feelings: Write about moments in your childhood that hurt. Don’t judge. Just release. You’ll feel lighter.

4. Practice gentle parenting with yourself: When you make a mistake, don’t scold yourself. Be kind to yourself. Say, “I’m learning. It’s okay.”

5. Take support if needed: If you feel stuck, don’t carry the weight alone. It’s okay to ask for help. Talking to a parenting coach or emotional expert can make your healing faster and easier. You deserve support too.

You don’t have to be a perfect parent. But you can be a healing parent. When you give yourself the love you didn’t receive, you naturally give your child the love they deserve.