Why we should rethink mourning at deathbed of cancer patients

Question: Why you should not mourn over thedeathof a cancer patient

Answer- I am an oncologist and I attend my patients even at their deathbed. Often the situation is that when time of death is near, patient room is flooded by all the distant relatives, acquaintances etc.

I believe this is counterproductive. More than often these acquaintances and distant relatives have not been through the journey of cancer treatment and struggle. These people make so much ruckus, they cry and weep and create such a sad environment that even the immediate family start crying

A cancer patient is a soldier who has been fighting this disease. and his departure should be respected by everyone. Let’s just say the patient was a parent of a young adolescent kid, as a parent he would be hurt if the kid is crying. So if the Kid is crying after the death and if a soul is hovering above the dead body of the patient than it will feel like a failure because the soul failed in its purpose of keeping the kid happy

The same is true for a spouse, brother and sisters or any other relation ship. If there is true love, when one of the partners cry, the other soul weep

Moreover, the Cancer patient’s journey is not always comfortable, neither is their departure. Most patient are having significant symptoms including pain or breathlessness during the last phase of life. Death is kind of relief for him. Also, it will be more mature from surviving family members, to understand that death was a kind of relief for the soul.

Lastly, the death bed is going to be the last memory of the person. If we cry during that time, surviving family members will be scared for their whole life. Whenever the surviving members will try to remember the departed soul, all they will remember traumatized deathbed memory.

So How should you react at the time of death – First, Make the patient comfortable by whatever means, and Most importantly relieve any pain. Secondly, Avoid a huge crowd of “not so close” people. The time to meet, for these subgroups of people is long passed. Only immediate family or friends who have a pleasurable personality should stay back. The patient should be given a Pleasurable physical stimulus which could be his favourite song/bhajan or even a tactile stimulus. I have used many times elicitation of imaginary locations that patients find comforting based on their beliefs and fantasies. Still, these are very advanced techniques, known to only a handful of physicians and practiced by even fewer.