The siblings God never gave us

Friendship is all about enjoying the good aspects of the other person’s personality, while ignoring the unpleasant realities. Which is probably why it is said that a true friend is one who remembers your birthday, but not your age. A similar sentiment was also conveyed by the German Philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche, when he said “Love is blind. Friendship closes its eyes.”

Friendships are key to many things, especially good times and bouts of laughter. Among the many shared qualities, that can form the foundation of a lasting friendship, is a sense of humour. If two people laugh at the same thing, it is highly likely that they also share the same values and interests.

While on the subject of friendship, one often recalls the wonderful lyrics, and melodious rendering by yesteryear crooners Kishore Kumar and Manna Dey, of the song –

“Yeh dosti hum nahin thodenge//Thodenge dam magar thera saath na chhodenge...(x2)//Ae meri jeet theri jeet, theri haar meri haar//Sun ae mere yaar//Thera gham mera gham, meri jaan theri jaan//Aisa apna pyaar...” – enacted on the screen by the unforgettable duo of Amitabh Bachchan and Dharmendra in the blockbuster film of that era, ‘Sholay’.

Another movie of those times that had friendship as the underlying theme of the plot was the touching movie ‘Dosti’, which focused on the friendship between two boys, one blind, and another physically disabled. On somewhat similar lines is “I will Be There for You”, a song by the American pop rock duo ‘The Rembrandts’ - an upbeat song about traveling, dead-end jobs, and friendship.

The subject of friendship has also figured in some popular animated cartoon series. One such, of 1940s vintage, was about ‘Mary Jane, and Sniffles’, started in USA, a gentle and pleasant strip, based on the fantasy of the friendship between a talking mouse and a girl. Another was ‘Casper the Friendly Ghost’, of 1954 vintage, which was started in the USA. Casper is a translucent ghost who is pleasant and personable, though often criticised by three wicked uncles the Ghostly Trio.

All these examples illustrate how friendships between some persons last through thick and thin. But not all friends belong to that category, such as those who support one, only when it is easy and convenient to do so, generally called ‘fair weather’ friends.

The words, friend and friendly have also found use in different connotations in varying contexts a division of one’s environment into the two broad categories, of friends and foes, characterises most systems of security and defence. In the armed forces, for instance, anyone approaching the premises of a unit Is challenged by the question, “Friend, or foe”?, and only allowing entry into the premises, when the response is acceptable.

Following a worldwide realisation, of the importance of the need to preserve the integrity of natural resources, such as land, water, and the atmosphere, a large number of what are known as ‘eco-friendly’ measures have emerged, in various walks of human endeavour in recent times. They are based on the principle that, while depletion of, or causing damage to, natural resources is inevitable in the process of development, every effort must be made to replenish, or repair, the impact of the damage, by separate measures.

The word ‘friendly’ is also often used to describe a machine, or a method, that is simple for people to use. Some of the best friendships are those that do not require physical proximity. Someone whom one has never met, who is living in a country which one has never visited, can sometimes be one’s best friend! The concept of a ‘Pen Friend’ or ‘Pen Pal’, first became a popular method of cultivating relationships, in the first decade of the 20th century, in America.

The first Pen Pal matching service is believed to have been the ‘Student Letter Exchange’ started in USA in 1936, which encouraged students to develop their knowledge of other countries through making new friends. The concept assumed an upscaled dimension in 1967, with the coming into being of the USA based International Pen which now has over 300,000 members from 192 countries.

Vaaradhi Foundation, a non-government organisation, in the establishment of which in 2013, I had a role to play, has recently started an interesting experiment, of school children from the Telugu speaking states being paired with their counterparts, in other countries such as Hong Kong and Singapore, to exchange views on matters of mutual interest. One arena, where friendship is clothed in selfishness, if not cynicism, is that of the relationships between countries of the world. The approach of countries, to the role to be played by them on the stage of foreign affairs, is informed largely by what is politely described as ‘enlightened self-interest’, best described by Lord Palmerstone, who said that England had “....no eternal allies and no perpetual enemies; that its interests are eternal and perpetual.”

A concept that figures frequently in that context, is that of a friendly neighbourhood, where countries strive for the creation of a secure environment in which a dialogue can take place informed by creativity, solidarity, based on the realisation that each region in the world has varying realities and calls for different solutions.

Some of the strongest bones of affection and love have historically been known to exist between animals or birds and human beings. Particularly elephants, horses, dogs, cats and parrots. The canine species, in particular, also often described as man’s best friend, probably figures at the top of that list. It was Frederick II, King of Prussia in the late 18th century, who first referred to one of his Italian Greyhounds, Biche, as his best friend.

And, to end the piece, here is something about friendship: “Good friends don’t let you do stupid things …alone!”

(The writer was formerly Chief Secretary, Government of Andhra Pradesh)