I am the boss of this house

A happy marriage is made up of many ingredients like love, understanding, maturity, compromise, adjustments, mutual respect and regard for each other's feelings. People say that marriage is a gamble where you win some and you lose some. Some happy marriages have a lot of adjustments and understanding behind them.

How-ever at times the balance is tilted towards one partner and such a partner is the dominating member of the two. For an outsider it is simply impossible to figure out who is more dominating actually! Take the instance of Aparna who has a rather dominating husband.

She says, "It is annoying when my husband wants to take all the decisions. He does not even bother asking me while taking important financial decisions.

We end up having arguments and don't speak to each other for days together." However, the husband may not always be the dominating partner; there can be a role reversal too!

Well, when it comes to dominating partners, there is a saying that goes "I am the boss of this house and I have my wife's permission to say so!" The decisions of a house-hold must be taken, keeping in mind the opinion of both the partners.

Ideally the decisions should suit both the partners but the ideal is not possible all the time. The balance is tilted towards which partner; it is rather difficult for an outsider to say! It was an interesting quote when somebody said, "I take only some decisions like where to invest the money, from where to take the loan, in which school to put the kids, how much to invest on the land and house.

My wife takes all the other decisions, what to cook when, which colour sofa-set to purchase, how much to pay the maid etc. We both are equal partners in marriage!"

On a more serious note, a very dominating partner can actually wreck a marriage. The divorce rates are on the rise. Both husband and the wife want to make fewer adjustments and compromises. A break-up is no longer a big deal.

Education and financial independence in women has brought a vast change in her outlook. Women do not want to accept injustice and ill-treatment. Says a city based psychologist, "Rural India still needs more change and men-folk are more dominating, especially if the wife is uneducated.

In urban areas, however a dominating husband might be in for a surprise! A wife demands her involvement in all the important decisions taken in the family. Of course a little dominating attitude can actually be taken with a pinch of salt and a bit of humour but when it comes to the more urgent decisions I feel both the partners should develop an understanding of consulting each other.

This would only improve the bond and increase the love between partners. It is a wise step to improve understanding as it is an investment for a happy future."

So before your spouse starts resenting your dominating approach towards things give each other ample breathing space to take small decisions. This will bring in mutual self-respect and admiration. Every human being has a certain special quality for eg.

Your wife could know more about holiday destinations as she browses on the internet more than you similarly your husband might have a better knowledge on stock-market and shares as he is wise on the economics front.

Give each other a chance and opportunity to make wise decisions and enjoy your partner's finer qualities!